For communication to work in any relationship, both members must abide by certain rules. There is a right and wrong way to communicate with each other, and over the years it has become clear to me that, while healthy communication can strengthen a marriage, poor communication can destroy it.
One of the top communication skills that must be learned in a healthy marriage is the ability to speak in a caring tone.
Early in our marriage, I had a horrible time controlling my mouth. Often, Karen would try to communicate a problem to me, and I would immediately begin to argue. I would discount her concerns and lecture her about why she was wrong.
I was more interested in winning the argument than understanding her side of the story.
When it came to communicating my thoughts, I was a pro. I would have made a great lawyer. But I knew almost nothing about listening.
After God began restoring our marriage, it became clear that this was one area of my life that had to change. I had to learn to control my tone, my argumentative words, and my compulsion to always be right.
It was harder than I expected. Even when I’d begun listening more to Karen and was trying to work things out, the way I spoke giving her another impression. She kept saying, “I wish I could record the way you talk to me. Then you’d see why I don’t feel like you’re listening.”
During that period—as has happened many times in my life—I became convicted by the words of Ephesians 5, in which husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loves the church. In that passage, verse 26 says that God uses this Christlike love to “make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word.”
As I read, God gave me two visions. In one, Jesus was gently scooping handfuls of water over my head, with great kindness and patience. In the other, I was spraying Karen with a fire hose. She was cowering beneath the force of the water.
I finally understood what she had been trying to tell me. My attempts to “wash” Karen were hurting her. I may have been speaking truth—and I may have intended my words to be loving—but my tone was far too forceful.
Those two visions forever changed the way I talk to Karen. After that point, when we needed to discuss something, I used a quieter voice rather than repeating things multiple times and hammering her with my words. I spoke kindly. I said what I needed to say and then let the matter drop.
Karen noticed. The gentle way I had begun talking to her stood out so starkly against my previous communication that she couldn’t help but see and respond to the change.
It confirmed to me just how much my tone must have been bothering her—and I hadn’t even realized it was happening.
In marriage, how we talk to each other is just as important as the content of what we’re trying to say. A loving and caring tone is the first and most critical step when learning how to communicate effectively with your spouse.
Jimmy Evans, Marriage Today
What kind of communicator are we in our relationships? Some people are salt, some are pepper, but God can help us communicate in a way that encourages the people around us, ensuring that even the most difficult discussions end on a godly, positive note.
For more info click here.
Just by booking your first appointment and agreeing to come together to Living Families for Marriage Councelling Horsham Sussex is really significant. It demonstrates to your spouse how much the relationship matters to you and can often be a huge part of the healing process in itself.
A safe place
Couple Counselling or Relationship Counselling should take place somewhere neutral to you both so that you feel are in a safe place where you can talk through your difficulties in more effectively.
When it’s just the two of you, discussions even about everyday issues can quickly escalate out of all proportion. Having a counsellor present can soften the intensity and moderate the discussion. By facilitating the conversation, both of you feel heard and the whole thing slows down and you can get to grips with the issues.
Identifying repeated patterns
Couples often come into therapy really stuck in their positions, feeling misunderstood, unheard, frustrated and angry.
By helping you become aware of repeated patterns and “going round the mountain yet again”, you can begin to reconnect and work together to solve your problems.
You probably never did any study about relationships despite the importance and commitment required. In your sessions you will study and learn more effective ways to communicate and resolve conflict. What you learn and put into practice will become part of your lifestyle.
Finally, there is always hope. It’s never too late. If both of you are serious about wanting your relationship to work and are committed to change, we have never failed to see a miracle of restoration.
Communication is essential for a good marriage. There is one element always necessary in successful communication… caring. It doesn't matter what communication techniques you may know and understand, if you don't care, it won't make a difference. As long as you keep communicating how much you care, intimacy and passion will continue to increase and you'll experience a rise in the romantic temperature of the relationship
Women talk about their pets more than their partner, new research has shown. Carried out by petnet360, the study revealed nearly 60 per cent of females are more likely to discuss their dog when conversing with friends or colleagues according to BPS.
According to the investigation, 70 per cent of girls questioned said they think of their animal as one the family, compared to just 51 per cent of men who answered the same.
In addition, it was discovered that 52 per cent of female dog lovers find having their pooch in tow makes them feel most confident when meeting others – markedly more than the 23 per cent who said similar regarding being in the company of friends.
Dr Ceri Parsons, a Chartered Psychologist and Senior Lecturer in psychology at Staffordshire University, said: "Sharing stories about our pets allows us to validate our experiences of unqualified love and ensures the dog remains woman's best friend."